Been a while

Let's see, I am thankful for not being in the middle of a burning Columbus this past weekend. Things were pretty tame, and I was glad for that. I played the responsible role and kept an eye out for our guys this weekend, which I really enjoyed. There is fun to be had sober, believe it or not.

Just finished the presentation of the European Union, finishing up what was to be done before Thanksgiving break. Now I want to be home.

Althought most of break will be spent writing. No final exams, just final papers. Once those are done, it's bye bye responsibility until January.

Listen to more jazz music. And go see Casino Royale.

Small Talk About the Weather

Fall turns the Midwest into paradise. I can't imagine not having this time of year, the changing leaves, that distinct autumn smell, the brisk weather that you only need a light jacket for. It's invigorating, unlike the lethargy of the humid, miserable Ohio summers.

But this is not fall. This is damn freezing.

This weather fosters bitter thoughts and malice. You whine and gripe. You want to stay in bed. You hate that you are on such a huge campus and you're late to class AND it might snow today.

But then I get to the office, its warm inside, the life of this house, over a century old, seems to exhale its intoxicating, aromatic scent as the weather bears down and the heat inside is cranked up.

And such is life. Hardships and bitter environments cannot negate the good things, the blessings I have. My family, my job, my grades, my friends...all to the constant soundtrack of music I love. Just as a spring in Rome provides motivation to muscle through the cold, blessings abound and move me to press forward through the ebb and flow of good and bad, the sum of human experience.

Down For So Long

A friend of a friend asked me the other day if I had a place to write my thoughts down, and I thought I'd do so. It's been such a long time since I've been in a bad place. Having that gnawing feeling that persists, regardless of the events from day to day, is so hard. It's debilitating. Incredibly hard to function.

"What's causing it?" I don't particularly know. Sure, there are things here and there. Sure, I've fallen hard for someone and it can't be resolved or end well, will most likely languish in limbo. But is that why I feel like this? Am I that incapable of dealing with something that's not working the way I'd like it to?

It hurts so bad when I feel guilt for feeling this way. I shouldn't, yet my messed up, chemically imbalanced head makes me feel like I have a brick in my stomach. And it's frustrating knowing that there is a problem in my head and there's not one thing I can do to make it stop. I can't will away bipolar.

I've thoroughly complicated my life by falling for my best friend, making it near impossible to feel comfortable with her, or even knowing who to be for her, or what she's thinking, and all of that stuff that I need a best friend to hear me out and help me with. What do you do when that person is one in the same?

Oblivion

OPEC continued to rape the world, while no one gives a shit about finding a sustainable fuel source. Except Brazil. Meanwhile, we chase after bullshit terrorists that I have less of a chance of being directly affected by than getting struck by lightning after I win the Powerball lottery on a rainy Tuesday in March while wearing a red shirt. Fuck, man...The only way I'm affected by terrorism is the asinine things that our government does in response to this fake threat.

Plus my boss was super bitchy today. Mondays.

Idiocy

Once upon a time, Tom Waits took a heavy dosage of mescaline and made savage love to the deranged, homeless woman who seems to always be waiting for the bus at the bus stop. Her five kids formulated a band and called it Man Man.

At least it would seem. The bellows of the group's front man are definitely derivitave of Waits, yet the band's frenzied intensity and confusing array of auxiliary instrumentation conjure up images of the crazies I remember from my childhood playing plastic buckets outside of Reds games for change. Most of the vocals (from all members of the band) are indistinguishable from animalistic screeches and guttural caterwauls. So why was this band so good?

The Rapture finally made the indie kids uncross their arms and dance. Man Man made them pump their fists and scream and writhe like Timothy Leary in the throes of an acid freakout. While the frontman strained and vocalized with the demeanor of one on the verge of killing for pleasure, the drummer swayed and flailed his limbs, eyes rolling back in the manner of one totally disconnected from reality, seemingly separate from his physical self. So many of us tease fate on the brink of insantiy. Man Man ferociously and joyfully proclaim that the other side is so much better.

The Phoenix rises from the ashes (and malaise)...

Strep Throat had a stranglehold on me (get it?) for a moment, but I'm (almost) like new and back on track.

The spectre of Autumn Quarter 06 has begun to rear its ugly head, in the form of: facilitating SigEp parking, taking a ribbing for missing today's Involvment Fair, frantically changing my schedule two days before classes begin, and signing an FBI security clearance release form. Granted, that last one never happened before.

A cursory glance at the schedule seems to indicate that the quarter should be pretty relaxed. But that remains to be seen, since classes are about priority three in my typical college life. I really do get more from the office and SigEp that I think will really benefit me later in life. So they tend to have a bit more of me invested in them, and so it follows, my time.

I am taking the Poli Sci internship class, which requires 60 hours to count. So there's 3 weeks no pay. Grrr....

Today astrounauts on the international space station pushed the alarm button because something smelled funny, an SUV driver crippled Congress's ability to peek outside their office doors with his bad driving and a washed up rockstar said something mean about Bush OMG OMGGGGG! I really hate the news.

In my life, I have seen all.

Feeling refreshed after just having come back from London. It was quite economical, aside from transportation. We didn't eat out much, made food at David's most of the week. And I can say I've seen a Shakespeare in the Globe, and the London Philarmonic at Royal Albert. Incredible.

And then I come back home. Not to be arrogant, but I must arrogantly say that it's really tiring listening to some of the people here back home. I am really grateful and thankful that I have the means and the desire to push against the crowd and actively pursue those things that procure a greater awareness of truly living and feeling. Searching and trying to understand the extent of human awareness.

It's been occurring to me that it's not only the pleasurable, the enjoyable, and the comfortable things in life that deliver the joy of life. Burdens, stress, discouragement, physical duress and emotional pain are all parts of the sum of humanity. Not only as a contrast for the sublime moments of life, but these "negative" experiences are to be savored as another opportunity to feel and experience, to live and to be human. There is a bit of the divine and wonderful in every breath one takes, the miracle of not just organic life, but intelligent consciousness.

Something about the sights we saw were thought-provoking and led one to introspection and quiet contemplation. The grand Whispering Gallery in St. Paul's Cathedral, the myriad number of larger-than-life individuals interred at Wesminster Abbey, the solemn beauty of Christ Church in Oxford. Standing on the same spot Shakespeare stood in his first home. Where can such places be found here that inspire a liberation of the mind from the constraints of routine and dull monotony?

On a bit more down to earth note, the RNC plans to spend five times that of the DNC, indicating that they are terrified they will lose Congress in November. Nice.

RNC Spends 5x the Dems for November Elections